Chocolate or Jail...It's Your Choice

   I have been under extraordinary food temptations for about a week now.  Foods that don’t normally call out to me with their sweet alluring siren songs have become the things of my top 10 list!  Such as (and you may find this shocking) CHOCOLATE! It’s true, as a rule, I am not particularly drawn to chocolate.  I never, and I repeat NEVER eat candy bars of any kind.  I think that makes me a freak of sorts. I’m surrounded by people who love candy bars and chocolate tid bits of all sorts, but I’m not a fan. In fact, no one living in this house is a fan of any sort of candy bar.  To the best of my memory the last chocolate bar I ate was one mini dark chocolate square towards the end of summer.   But lately, I’ve caught myself standing in the candy isles of convenience stores, grocery stores, and movie counters, just starring, not really focused on anything. Frozen there like an idiot, unable to speak or move.  Chocolate has suddenly become my own personal kryptonite! 

   I think I may have some hormone issues going on, because frankly nothing else makes sense to me. And let’s face it; it’s always easier to blame any sudden physical or mental change on hormones.  It super easy to throw the poor little defenseless hormone under the bus.   It amazes me how many ailments you can blame on them. The list is endless!  Our prisons are full of women who snapped under the sheer weight of them!  These little demons can turn any sweet little, Jesus lovin’ Sunday school teacher into a full blown homicidal maniac!!!

   At this very moment I have two giant Cadbury milk chocolate bars in my freezer.  I also have one extra-large Lindt dark chocolate bar with sea salt in there with them.  I’m not really sure what’s going on with me right now. I’m storing this stuff away like some crazy squirrel with PMS! I’m a little frightened of where all this madness could lead. 

 

   Sunday afternoon my thoughts were completely preoccupied with thoughts of chocolate hot fudge cake! I don’t even know if any place sells that any more. The last restaurant that had it was Shoney’s and they have been out of business for a few years now.  My husband suggested Sonic. I was pretty sure they didn’t have it, but I was certain they had something that would hit the spot just as nicely.  He wasn’t hungry, but he was perfectly willing to drive me to Sonic and sit with me while I ate. It was not unlike all those late night runs for pregnancy craving foods.  I ate….he watched.  What a dear.

   Earlier today I drove by Baskin Robins and noticed that the sign read “$1 Scoop Tuesday’s”!!! Whose crazy idea was this?  I almost had a wreck trying to read the sign!  I looked at my son Mitch and said (with a very bossy tone) “we’re coming back over here later because I need chocolate fudge ice cream.” I just dragged him down with me.  He’s a health nut. He runs cross country, watches what he eats, and only drinks water.  But a mom with a kid (no matter the age) getting ice cream, paints a prettier picture than a sad, pathetic, middle aged, pre-menopausal looser out for an ice cream, hands down any day of the week! Wisely, he didn’t put up a fight.  To struggle would be unwise.

   Before you worry that I have fallen off the diet wagon, fear not, for I have recently secured a walking buddy! It’s true…misery loves company!  I guess it’s easier to assist someone else in their struggle, than it is to stay focused on mine.  We walked 4 miles today! We walked right past the 31 flavors and I didn’t even look back (mostly because I started thinking about Lot’s wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt and it wigged me out)!  I’m quite at peace with myself right now.  I’m proud that I had the courage to resist the fudge ice cream, but if I ever find that eating chocolate is all that stands between me remaining calm or snapping, then give me chocolate! It’s certainly a better choice than prison.

Running Hither and Yon

    Exercise versus dieting or exercise and dieting?  I have been on the “one versus the other” band wagon for quite some time (years in fact). But it’s starting to make more sense to me now.  Well, maybe it’s not making more sense as much as I’m just finally embracing the truth of it all.   

   I know I can lose weight and not exercise, but let’s face it, it’s better for our health to do both.  Some folks exercise to keep their weight at healthy levels. That’s fine and good for them, but I will never do that! No way!  My fear would be that something would happen (sickness etc.) that would slow down or stop my work out plan and then where would I be?  I tell you where I would be - gaining the weight I’ve lost, back!  But the idea I do embrace is what I like to call “the tradeoff”.  If I want to have a cheese burger or some dessert when eating out, I will be sure to get some sort of exercise in before or after.  I can buy my treats (or diet failures) with a brisk 2 mile walk.   I try to walk 3 or 4 times a week, but when I need to “pay up” I just turn the heat up a bit with my walk (dare I say JOG).  It’s working so far

.

   This past weekend I went to visit my sweet little granddaughter, daughter-in-law and my oldest son. We always have a great time!  The one thing we all enjoy when I’m there is eating out. Oh my! We know well the horrible guilt laden road this can lead to! Have mercy!  Between Friday evening and Sunday afternoon we ate out 4 times!  I loved every second of it, but it took some doing for me to not just go bonkers! I threw caution to the wind and ate what I wanted the first night. I ordered a big bowl of chunky guacamole and just had at it!!! I introduced my little 15 month old grand to the glory and wonder of this amazing treat and we both made pigs of ourselves! It was fantastic!  But I didn’t stop there, I had other things…..you know what I’m talking about.  Let’s all say it together!  CHIPS!!!   But not to worry! We took the baby for a walk at a local park and at least worked off some of those calories. The eating was fun and the walking was even better!  Perfect! 

  

   The next day we had lunch at a neat little spot called the Amazon Café’.  The weather was amazing so I suggested we eat on the screened porch.  My mistake.  Those of you who know me, know that I am fan to all animals and although I’m only in possession of a couple of cats, I love to be surrounded by pets of any kind!  When we were being seated we notice a young cat running around.  The waiter told us the kitty belonged to the owner and to just shoo her away if she started getting on our nerves.  Well, there is no possible way a kitten could get on my nerves, but my family is a whole other ball game.  My daughter – in – law looks at cats like some horrible disease that needs to be eradicated (she’s a dog person).  I don’t try to force my love of cats on her. She’s pretty tolerant of them when she’s at my house.  But when you are sitting at your table sipping your soda and the afore mentioned beast climbs your leg to sit in your lap….all hell breaks lose!  She had this look on her face like Satan himself had showed up for lunch. NOT GOOD.  I jumped up to save them both (from each other), but not before it made the baby cry.  Again, NOT GOOD.  This sort of set the pace for the rest of our lunch. Unfortunately, we had no sooner eased our nerves from the random cat attack when two chickens wandered through!  Again, if you know me…you know I was loving this!  But the baby was completely freaked out!  This lunch was getting stranger all the time.   After lunch we decided to visit another park to walk off our lunch, but not before we discovered an area where we could pet rabbits!  This place was a regular petting zoo!!!    The point is; all this eating and exercise added up to a fun (for me) weekend! 

   I was telling a friend the other day I had attempted to jog a bit while I was walking. I told him it was as close to running as I would probably ever get. He said, “now wait a minute…I’ve seen you run before!”  Before I could get a word in, he amended his statement with “But every time I‘ve seen you run, you were either chasing someone or being chased by someone”.  It’s true, I save running for emergency situations only.  It’s usually my last defense.  One time, we were staying at a cabin in North Carolina when my love of animals and my emergency use of running combined to create one of my odder moments.   I heard this coming from the direction of the neighboring cabin; “watch out! It’s a bear!”  I grabbed my video camera and took off in hot pursuit!  I was running after this bear like an escapee from an enigma factory! As this poor bear was running for his life he was turning around looking at me as if to say, “PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE CRAZY LADY!”  Bears are always a good reason to run.  I would love to tell you I had video proof of this escapade but, when I grabbed the camera, I accidentally turned it on. So my only footage is three minutes of my feet running!  At least I can prove that I can, in fact, run. 

   So far I have lost 14 pounds. I have a LONG way to go, but it’s a respectable start and I am learning to live with my “Lifestyle Change”.  I’m not giving it a great big bear hug yet….but I’m not running away either.

Skunks, Excercise and Why I Can't Have a Gun

   Last night for the first time in years, I felt the urge (I might even use the word desire) to exercise! For the life of me I can’t imagine what on earth snapped inside my head to cause the idea of making such an effort! It’s truly beyond me. 

 

   I would love to report that I followed through with this maddening idea, but alas, I merely peered out the window and starred at the very street I needed to be running up and down.   I nursed this idea for some time actually, it wasn’t simply a fleeting thought.  But I never acted on it.   I’m just as confused by the mystery of why I didn’t do it, as I am by the very fact that I considered it in the first place.  The whole episode was odd at best.

   Earlier this week my hubby informed me he was going to a gun show (insert sound of loud snoring).  I don’t care anything at all about guns (mostly because no one will let me near one).  But it was an opportunity to spend time with Jim, so off we went.  It wasn’t a large show, just a small one at the National Guard Armory in Dayton, Tennessee.  But this man loves all things “gun”, no matter the venue. 

   I was surprised that we were asked if we had any weapons on us as we entered the show. A smiling man was ready to take our firearms and “check “them, just like you might “check” your overcoat at a nice restaurant.  That was a first for me. Why would you carry your gun to a gun show anyway? And why do they want my gun if indeed I'm packing. Is it a safety issue? You give up your gun to go into a room full of guns. Why should I be the only one without a gun?  I’m still trying to figure this one out. 

Pretty!!!

 

   We perused the 20 or so gun and knife vendors for about 45 minutes. Jim was in hog heaven and I was bored stupid.  If he had any real money to spend, his pockets would have been empty in 10 minutes! He looked like me when I’m at the Mall of Georgia!  He was downright giddy!  He was indeed in his happy place! Well, I decided that a shopping opportunity is in fact a “shopping opportunity”, so surely there is something at this gun show that would interest me.
   I found a couple of pink hand guns that were really cool! But, let’s face it; no one is going to let me own a gun, ever.  So I kept looking and to my surprise I found a container of pepper spray nestled in a really cute pink leather case! That’s for me!  I’m not being stalked(as far as I know) and I don’t wonder around alone in unsafe environments,  so I’m not sure why I thought I could use this. I really just wanted to get my “shop” on. 

   Maybe that cute can of pepper spray is what got me to thinking about exercise.  If and when I do walk, I usually walk at night. It’s just more peaceful.  I was chased and bitten by a dog several years ago, so you never know what you are going to come in contact with.  Actually, when I first started on my diet, I was trying to walk 3 or 4 times a week. But every time I went out, I crossed paths with a skunk!  It really started to freak me out!  Our dog got sprayed by a skunk once and I thought we would have to move to a new house because the smell was so dreadful and so difficult to clean up! I kept imagining what sort of horror awaited me if I got sprayed by one of those skunks.  Not sure what good this pepper spray will do against a skunk. Maybe I could spray him back, just to get even. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Revenge.  And that’s why I’m not allowed to have a gun.