Snarky, Rude and Opinionated!

  This week I was de-friended on Facebook! Can you believe it?  I can. I can be a tad opinionated and snarky. Ok, maybe it’s a bit more than “tad”. At any rate, some people just can’t take me in large doses (or small for that matter).  But that’s ok. It’s not like this is a new development in my life. I didn’t suddenly wake up one day and decide to be annoying.  In fact, I don't think I could change if I wanted. I am what I am and that will have to be good enough!

   My only regret in getting de-friended is that I didn’t really deserve it.  I wish I could say I had been booted from someone’s precious friend list because I made some rogue political or religious statement, or I told somebody they were fat or stupid (or fat and stupid).   Now that’s a fine reason indeed to remove me!  But it was one of those situations where someone just read something that simply “wasn’t”’, into a statement that I made.  What’s even crazier, I didn’t even know this person!  Why do we accept friend request from people we don’t know?  Maybe you don’t do this, but if I see that we have several friends in common, I assume they are a safe bet and I go for it! I’ve had some really good conversations with just such folks!   Well, lesson learned here people! If I don’t know you….don‘t ask me to be your friend! !!!  I will hit the “ignore” button.

   To those of you who “understand” me and make the choice to still call me friend…kudos!!  I love you! You’re the best!  If I do offend you in some way, just message me politely and we will have a frank and honest discussion.  It would be just lovely I bet! But if you call me out in front of God and everybody, I will get nasty!  I just won’t be able to stop myself!  It’s my worst character trait and I work really hard to keep it reeled in, but a public smack down will make my horns pop out! 

   We all want people to like us, but honestly it’s just not possible.  We can’t be people pleasers, no one will respect us.  We have to be honest in the most loving manner possible and weigh the actions and attitudes of others fairly (especially if we want them to do the same for us!).  

 

   A co-worker called me out this week for grabbing a piece of bubble gum out of a bag of candy. She ask if I really wanted to waste calories on something so ridiculous.  She was right, I didn’t.  Did I enjoy being told I didn’t need it? No, I didn’t.  Was I happy she said it?  Yes I was!   I wish she would follow me around all day doing that! Imagine the trouble she would help me to avoid!!!   That’s the kind of “call out” we can use. If it isn’t helpful, do us all a favor…keep it to your grouchy self.  

Touch Downs, Tacos and Tiaras

   Friday night lights!!!!  Football in the south is BIG!!! Pretty much everyone I know is a football fan on some level (whether they admit to it or not). I am no exception.  My husband and I are season ticket holding Vols fans!  You might think we don’t miss a game. You would be dreadfully wrong.   I haven’t been to a game in over 6 years! The last time Jim went was at least a year ago, and that was only because our youngest child that wanted to go wasn’t old enough to drive himself! But high school football is a different colored horse all together.  We don’t always make the games, but we listen on the radio and stay up late to watch the side line wrap ups on the local news.   It’s what makes autumn so fantastic!  Aahhh, the sound of crunching leaves underfoot and the pop of football helmets colliding! It’s the best!

   Last night was the homecoming game at our sons’ high school and the only reason I went was because the daughter of our dear friends would be part of the homecoming court.  Her mom looked at me and said “You gave up “Mexican” for Kaley?  Wow, that really put it into perspective for me. Even my friends know how devoted I am to my Friday night fiesta!  The look on her face was almost shock and awe.

 

   All the festivities took place before the game began, so it didn’t take me long to start thinking about quesadillas, tacos, and crack coated tortilla chips!  The whining started somewhere around the beginning of the second quarter.  It started out harmless enough, but quickly turned ugly.   Our friends suggested we all get something to eat after the game. WHAAAATTT!?  The game hadn’t started until 8PM and we all know how they can drag on and on!  Panic set in.  I started the mental math game. You know what I mean. You start adding it up in your head.  The actual time of each quarter, plus half time, plus time outs, plus all the other nine million reasons they stop a football game and that equals only one thing.  All the good restaurants are CLOSED!!!!! 

   I suggested we leave at half time since it would be really late when it was over and besides, it’s starting to get cold (anything to gather the troops around me).  At first it worked.  Then the ball game started to get exciting.  Even if you are completely disinterested and you aren’t even paying attention to the game, you know when this happens…..EVERYONE STANDS UP.  Oh no!!!!  My dreams of warm chips started to slip through my fingers.  So I turned up the whining (mostly directed at my husband).  Over and over I repeated the same phrase. “I’m just soooo hungry!” 

 

   My friend Tammy just laughed at me (she was cold and my whining was only helping her in getting out of there quicker).  The guys tried be nice about it, but finally gave in. They really should have tried harder, because by the time we were done eating, I was so full, I felt like a tick about to pop, and I began blaming them for ever agreeing to this venture in the first place. Philip looked at me like he wanted me dead.  Jim just looked at the floor and shook his head.  The folks around me are too nice to me. I need a personal handler and someone in my life needs to step up to the plate! Don’t let me get my way! 

Just look at how happy I am!!!!

    All of this power play and homecoming tiaras got me to thinking about a conversation that took place this week with some co-workers.   I’m not sure how it all began, but somehow the subject of tiaras came up.  I stated that I love tiaras and I think it would be awesome to wear one to work at least once a week.   I don’t want one of those small classy numbers like Miss America wears. No, I want one of those huge, dreadfully heavy numbers like you see on the cable show “Toddlers and Tiaras”!  That would be the best!  TACKY!!!  One of my work pals said of my tiara wearing suggestion, “Oh no! You are already on a power trip and that would just push you right over the edge!” Excuse me?  Off with your head!!!!

   Imagine how much better Mondays would be if you could do it in a tiara? It just feels right, doesn’t it?

Don’t answer that please. Just let me have my moment.

Bob Cats, Snakes and Quiches, Oh My!

  I spent this past weekend with 4 of my most precious treasures! These four ladies lives have intertwined mine for over 30 years. We met at the river home owned by one these girls and did what we like to do best: laugh and eat! 

  I did my utmost to not obsess about what I was eating, because honestly, it just didn’t matter.  These times are so rare and so perfect that I wouldn’t even consider messing it up with diet worries.  We ate breakfast casseroles, BBQ, corn on the cob, mac and cheese, quiches, s'mores and who knows what else!  All naughty and all fabulous!!!! All made perfect by the mere presence of these wonderful friends!

  We couldn’t help but compare ourselves to the movie “The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood”!  It was that kind of weekend!  We stayed up late, gathered around a fire, awoke earlier than we would have liked (because that’s what you do when you get older), showered when we felt like it and sat until our legs went numb.

  The first morning we made much ado about bob cat tracks near the house and decided it was best to not wander far. So we did another thing we do well,….nothing.  It couldn’t have been more amazing.

  Sunday morning, Laura and I decide to take a quick nature walk down one of the trails that leads to the river.  I wasn’t dressed for any serious adventure with yoga pants and flip flops. Laura's clothing choice was the same except for boots. We were really cute.  We made our way to the river and spent a few minutes contemplating the meaning of life (or maybe she talked on the phone and I threw sticks in the river).  At any rate, it was most peaceful. 

  After a few minutes we decide to return to the house.  As we were exiting the trail, I noticed a rather large snake lying on the ground. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something profound like, “Hey look! A snake!”  She whirled around and yells toward the house “Krystal, did you put a fake snake out here!” No answer of course. Then we realized it was indeed real!   I was 100% sure this snake was dead. Laura was 100% sure this snake was alive!  She began screeching at me to move back! My response was to continue my firm stand on the “dead snake” theory.  In fact, I bent down a couple of times to get a closer look and continued to state “looks dead to me”.   “Step back NOW!!!” turned into “That’s a rattle snake!” and “Someone get the 9mm!”  Now I’m yelling “where am I supposed to go?!”  Because a gun is about to enter the picture and I wanted out of there yesterday!  Let me add that I am also in possession of a 5 foot piece of drift wood that for reasons still unknown to me, I refuse to put down.   I finally make my way around the snake and come up from behind to give it a poke so that I can prove that this snake is indeed "dead". The only thing I prove is that this is definitely not a dead snake!

To quote another movie, "Twanda the avenger!"

  While all of this mess is unfolding, Mindy is sitting quietly reading the newspaper. She later tells us that it was not unlike the sound of your children playing outside and all is well, then the sound changes and you know something is amiss! When she hears “9mm” and “snake”, she decides her aim would be better with a shovel so she runs to the garage, but only finds a sledge hammer.  

  As I high tail to the house (leaving Laura to fend for herself apparently), Mindy runs past me with the hammer and charges head long into the woods and makes quick work of one large snake! Wow! Don’t mess with Mindy. 

  I ask you, "Does it get any better than this?"   All of this added up to the most perfect weekend one could ever imagine!  Can’t wait to do it again!

What Happened to My Fishsticks?

   We had new flooring put down in our kitchen today and it looks marvelous darling! But before you can put down a new floor you must move everything off the old floor. So at 6 am this morning we started moving everything out and into the living room.  This makes for a mess that is strait up tragic!  I understand it is necessary, but it is testing every ounce of patience I have.  This is a list of everything in my living room at this very moment: dining room table, china cabinet, one couch, one oversized chair, one entertainment  center, a computer desk, piano, kitchen table, 4 kitchen chairs, an electric fire place, ottoman, side table,  my great grandmothers sewing table,  baby high chair, and last but not least-our refrigerator.  We can’t even see the TV, we just listen to it like it's 1945 and the “Little Orphan Annie “ show is on!  Did I mention that this room is only 260 square feet? 

   I understand that this problem is temporary, but the real tragedy in all of this is that I had to share my living space with the fridge all day and all evening.  As I sat curled up in the oversized chair working at my lap top, I realized I was only about 2 feet away from my arch nemesis the afore mentioned fridge! This would not be a problem for any normal person, but I am not normal.  I began to feel its magnetic pull. You know what I mean, the part of you that opens the fridge door 20 times a day expecting to discover some new treasure that wasn’t in there previously.  It was calling out with its siren song, and I was close enough that I could have reached it without ever leaving the comfort of the chair.  This is not good.  I’m pretty sure I felt it staring at me at least once. 

   It is not healthy to share a close space with a large appliance that holds so many delightful things!  This is like asking my cat to keep an eye on my fish sticks. Not a good idea. 

   Needless to say, I have not done well on my diet today.  I didn’t eat any of the list "no no’s”, just ate too many of the list “yes yeses”.  In case you didn’t realize, you can get fat on healthy food too. Too much of anything, is still too much.  I’m more than a little bummed out right now, but as I’ve said before, I’m just not going to waste time on the worry of it. Tomorrow is a new day and one way or another that fridge is going back to the kitchen!  

    This weekend will be spent at the river with 4 of my dearest friends! I’m crazy excited about it! But we all know that food will be one of the main sources of entertainment.  So alas, I will have to be on my A game lest I undo 4 weeks of intense life style changing torture.  At any rate, I’m sure I will have some crazy stories to share when I return!  If you think about it….say a pray for me.  Not kidding.               

Value Meal Values

   Is there any true value in value menus?  According to dictionary.com –Value- The worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some medium of exchange.  Based on this assessment of the word, I believe we can safely assume that we should be able to place some sort of real worth on the food items on these menus.  I know the worth in it is the cheapness of the price, but wouldn't it be just grand if they had some nutritional value as well?  Wouldn't that be fantastic!?  The reality of this idea is a stretch at best. To date, the only food I have found that is nutritionally sound and low in calories is the small chili at Wendy’s. It is low in fat and calories (210); it has 17 grams of protein and is high on my tasty scale! You can get a side salad if you like, but don't dare put the dressing on it or you will go from 210 calories to 500! 

    In our fast paced and busy lives we sometimes need these quick, yet cost effective options. But I have to admit that when I pull up to that menu, I am not focused on the nutritional end of the spectrum. I am thinking about a single burger with everything and a big ole sleeve of fries! YUM! I would also love to take a frosty for a spin around the block whilst I'm at it. But we all know that is A) not on the list and B) so high in fat and calories that if I did eat it, the next thing I would be hearing is, "CLEAR!" Ok, that may be over the top, but I'm sure you're picking up what I'm laying down.  

  

   I've been practicing being grateful this week, so I will be grateful and say that I am just happy there is something on that value menu that won't kick me to the curb. Yes, I wanted the burgers and fries and I guess I always will want them. But, I must come to terms with living healthy every day, and being grateful that I have the option of being in a position to live healthy.  Because we all know eating healthy can be expensive! But with some excellent planning and savvy shopping, it can be done!

   Speaking of being grateful…I want to take a moment to say to all of you who are reading my blog “Thanks!”  I know you have plenty of other things you could be doing (like lying on the couch staring at the ceiling)!  So I am grateful for each of you! If you have something you want to share with me or a subject you would like me to talk about, just let me know! I love feed back :-)

      I would also like to mention that as far as the life style change is going, I’m happy to report that I have lost 12 pounds and made some really great strides in my relationship with food!   As I enter week 5 of this adventure I’m grateful that God is showing me so much about myself and even more grateful about what else He will reveal! Most of it is not so nice things, but it is all for the greater good, and for that, I am….what’s that word?  Oh yes, GRATEFUL!

Cheater Cheater Biscuit Eater!

   No, I did not eat a biscuit. I did, however eat an egg McMuffin.  I saw that commercial about how it only has 300 calories and I was sucked in just like a super nova getting sucked into a celestial black hole (I don't know if that is even possible).  Actually the calorie count was completely respectable, but it left me feeling draggy and tired. 

  This proves what I've been thinking all along.  It is not just about calories!  Let's face it, if it was, then I could eat 1200 calories worth of marshmallows!  I don't even have to try that one to know that I would feel like I had been hit by a freight train! Besides, I don't even like marshmallows.

  Some would have me believe that it's just consumed calories verses burned calories.  Eat fewer calories than you burn and you lose weight.  I'm sure that's true, but you are not going to be healthy or feel good if you don't put good things into your body, period.  That trip to McDonalds also sent me into a downward spiral of eating in an unhealthy fashion the rest of the day. 

  It's a good thing that I had a brand new opportunity to eat right the next day, or else I would have been so depressed I wouldn’t have been able to stand myself. New opportunity comes in many forms. It would be easy for me to get all tore up about the food mistake I made and allow it to get the best of me. But instead I’ll look at it as a new opportunity, the opportunity to learn from my mistake and an opportunity to be a better eater the next day. I love new chances! They are like a clean burst of air in my lungs or the amazing feeling of a huge burden being lifted off ones shoulders. It’s the best! And I love it when it comes my way!                                                                

  Even my Jesus is the God of second chances! How awesome is that?! He picks me up every time I stumble (which is all the time). He dusts me off and stands me back up and sends me on my way once again. I usually have no idea where He is sending me, but I will just trust that He knows best! He does know best, and that is the best part of this whole Christ following adventure that I am on!

Beer cans from 1973 when the house was built. Found in wall by plumber.

  Life is full of challenges, day in and day out and I can’t allow myself to be tossed around like a plastic bag on the interstate. Today, even as I sit here typing, I have a plumber in my house who tells me the only way to repair our water issues will be with all new plumbing. Not just the shower or the sink, but the entire house!  My heart is about to beat out of my chest! And I’m pretty sure I feel a full blown panic attack coming on. I’m also pretty sure this will be big money. Big money we don’t have. But, I am trusting Him. He has never abandoned us, not even once. I don’t have the answers, but He does! I have no idea how this “new opportunity” will pan out, but in the end, it will all be good, because He is good. End of story.  

A Tale of Two Tilapias

  

   I love to cook like no body's business! But as you may have guessed, there is very little that I cook that is on "The List". So painfully I have attempted to come up with dishes composed of allowed foods that are tasty, and actually resemble something that a human would consume. Truthfully, I have had very little luck.

   I spent about 30 minutes one afternoon talking to a couple of ChristWay students that had dropped by my office to chat. During our conversation they ask to see the list. I was happy to oblige, as any suggestions they might have would be highly welcomed. They had some really great ideas! But this conversation took place during the first week of the list and I was really too busy wallowing in self-pity to be bothered with any idea that took more than five minutes effort. So I am just now starting to seriously consider their "think tank madness".

   One of the food items they pointed out was the tilapia. The problem with this food is; I only eat fish at restaurants.  I have this hang up about fish. I just can't stand the sight of it raw. Let me jump in here for a second and say that I love sushi! For some reason raw fish wrapped up in rice and seaweed is very appealing! But throwing a slab of it in front of me and asking me to cook it, will just about suck the Jesus right out of me.  I just couldn't do it!  

   After much wringing of my hands, I decided to give it a try. I had no idea what to do with fish!  I went to the grocery store and perused the isles for some hint of what one does with (gulp) fish.  While standing in the baking section of the store I noticed this nifty little product call "fish fry". Really? Could it be this simple? Had I been avoiding cooking fish for twenty years, when all I needed was this two dollar bag of corn meal concoction? 

   I decided that I would grill my fish and fry the rest of it for the family (I knew my hubby would have no interest in grilled fish). The grilled fish was quite good, but the fried fish was AMAZING!!  Well, now I'm just really mad. I can't have the fried fish! It's not on the bloody list!!! I just can't win. I have wasted a great deal of time over the past week or so just thinking about that delicious fish and how I have missed out on eating it for at least two decades. It has over taken my thoughts both day and night. I can't escape its pull! I may need professional help. I'm not kidding.

 

  I think I'm going to fry up some this week and just have a small serving. I would rather have a little bit of something I love, than a plate full of something that bores me to tears. So I am going to declare that Wednesday will be “Fish Fry Day”! Yippee!  I’m so excited! I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight!

  

Food Food Everywhere and Not a Bite to Eat

  Most of Saturday was spent at our family reunion. Five of my grandmothers’ siblings and their families descended on the tiny town of Monteagle, Tennessee for an afternoon of hugging, laughing, eating and me thinking, “Who are these people?”  There were many that I knew because (all be it sporadic) we do see each other from time to time.  Then there was this whole group that I hadn’t seen in 35 or more years! And they brought children and grandchildren that I didn’t even know existed.  Even with name tags stuck to everyone, I still had to dig deep into the recesses of my mind for even the faintest glimmer of remembrance!  That trip into my memory was like digging through one of those homes you see on an episode of “Hoarders”!   It was kind of scary in there.  

  The main source of entertainment at any social event (for me anyway) is the FOOD. Otherwise, I may resort to playing with my IPhone or just disappear outside. I am not naturally a social person. I can just hear some of you laughing right now.  Let me just say that I do a top notch job of hiding this little tidbit about myself.  In fact, I would say that I have elevated this to an  art form.  

  Finally the time arrived, and with plate in hand, I began the ritualistic trip around the kitchen. Had I the mental fortitude to bring something I could eat (the list)?  No.   I brought what I bring to everything…..mac and cheese. This isn’t just any mac and cheese. It’s made with real butter (not margarine), heavy whipping cream, eggs and about 40 pounds of cheese. Oh yeah, there are noodles in there somewhere. So that was out. I still can’t believe I didn’t eat it.  I began to look around, and everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, was a food not on the list! I should have started praying right then and there.

  I decided not to venture too deep into the kitchen, as it seemed the further in I got, the more naughty the food became.  So I stopped on the edge of this madness and had a spoonful of each of the following: coleslaw, pea salad and ramen noodle salad. I have no idea how you turn a bag of ramen noodles into a cold salad, and frankly I don’t want to know.  However, all three of these tasty little side items were delicious!  I even managed to only eat a two inch square of cake for dessert.   I was feeling pretty good about myself. 

   We visited for a few of more hours where I endured a snide comment or two and a nasty look from a girl who I still haven’t been able to identify. Not the sort of thing that makes you want to go to the next reunion (if, in fact there ever is one).  Then we (my children and parents) went for a quick tour of Sewanee and a quick stop to eat supper.   None of us were terribly hungry, but there is a really great Italian eatery that we just couldn’t pass up. I knew I didn’t need to eat another bite of anything, but anytime I see bruschetta on a menu, I just about lose my mind!  I love it so much!  I had a feeling it would be fantastic at this“happening” little joint and I wasn’t disappointed. The balsamic reduction sauce alone would make me want to make the drive again!  Happily, I didn’t finish it!  I have found that if I’m pretty sure I want to finish something because it is so tasty; I share it with others at the table.  That is a sure fire way to get rid of a plate of food you don’t need.  And your friends and family love you!  Win, win.

  All in all it was a good day! Having family around me always feels good. Especially if they bring food.