Guilt. We all wrestle with it. I’ve spent half my life pinned to the wrestling mat of life by its strong grip. I’m exhausted emotionally like you wouldn’t believe! In fact, sometimes I think I look for things to feel guilty about. Occasionally when I’m having a good day I find myself feeling a little more carefree than I really am. Then, before you know it, I’ve eaten something I shouldn’t or said something I shouldn’t and then boom, I’m back on the mat…face first. The worst part about it is that I am not only the victim, but more importantly, I’m the perpetrator!
My diet approved food list feels like it is growing smaller every day. It really isn’t, it’s that I’m growing weary of many of the choices, one bite at a time. Today, I took 2 oranges and 3 ounces of turkey for my lunch. Boring, boring, and boring (especially since I’ve eaten that about 24 times already). Slowly but surely I am beginning to hate many of the foods I once loved, much the way the Accelerated Reading programs in our primary and middle schools have turned book loving children into kids who would rather have their heads nailed to the wall than read another book! I don’t want to eat from a list any more that they want to read from a list. I have foods I love and the thought of never eating them again (as this diet suggest) is simply too much to bare. Today as I nibbled on my 3 ounces of carefully measured turkey I thought “This would be so much better if it was surrounded by miracle whip and white bread”. I really thought I had moved past this thought until I started my drive home tonight and this whole crazy idea of eating white bread popped back into my head. After a small personal battle, I decided one slice of bread with a little MW would be just what I needed to find my happy place. Well, as I am sure you can guess, the happiness lasted about 28.4 seconds and then guilt had me on the mat in a half nelson.
Why do I do this to myself? Why? In reality, I ate so little today, that lousy slice of bread couldn’t possibly have done any harm. However, the mental battle that I allowed myself to be dragged into can be harmful. Pardon me while I get a little serious for moment. God did not design us to wallow around in a pit of guilt! Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” A full life as Jesus would have it, does not include a daily guilt fest! I need to make the necessary changes with my eating tomorrow so that I don’t find myself overly hungry, putting myself in a position to make a poor food choice, which in turn spirals me into needless guilt. I can have foods I love as long as I plan carefully.
Satan would keep me in that circle of madness if I allowed it. But I will not allow it! Not this girl!
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